Disappointment
'Hot Coals' by me, via Flickr
I am disappointed with myself for only getting through approximately two thirds of what I planned to do today. This is partly because, once again, I slept in this morning, and partly because I practiced “work avoidance”, as Jennifer calls it, throughout the day.
I know it’s only the first day back at work after the Christmas and New Year holiday but even so I am disappointed with myself. I wanted to write ten articles and get a comic drawn for each of the three comics I run. I managed five articles and two comics.
It’s not like the work is hard, either. The work is fine. I can do the work without problems when I put my mind to it. I just don’t seem to have been able to put my mind to it today. Yes it’s the first day back and so I have to get back into the work frame of mind but that excuse can only go so far.
I have to get everything I plan to do done tomorrow. There is no room for excuses any more. With work drying up for Jennifer, we are reliant on my income to keep the mortgage and other bills paid. Five articles a day will just about cover those things, but that isn’t leaving much for the inevitable problems that will arise.
So tomorrow I will get out of bed on time. I will overcome this damn need to oversleep that has crept in since I got off the medication that has been causing me loads of problems. I will get all the work done that I plan to do, and I will make Jennifer proud of me.
Dammit, I hate feeling disappointed with myself. It was this feeling that originally lead to me having to take the medication that caused all my recent problems. I am so glad I’m seeing my doctor on the 9th because I need to get these feelings, and the problems they cause, under control once and for all.
Tags: depression, illness, Jennifer, mental illness, work, workload
