Who needs password protection, firewalls and other miscellaneous security systems in this day and age? “All of us!” I hear Internet security experts cry. Well yes, but that spoils my little anecdote and I’ve never been one to let logic and realism get in the way of telling a daft story. I will therefore cry “not I, for I have a cat!”

This cat, in fact.

I am Guard Cat. Purr! Err, I mean "Grr!"

This is Fred, my lovely tortoiseshell queen; which children the world over are usually disappointed to find out does not mean she has a) a hardened carapace, or b) a crown. I kid you not, I have been asked this.

Fred likes to sit on my graphics tablet, or occasionally lie on it when I have a desk lamp turned on. This is because she knows the tablet will be flat, warm and reasonably comfortable, what with it usually being covered in paperwork. Normally this is paperwork I have placed there so I can see it while I’m working. She also knows lying on the tablet while I’m using it will get her some attention; as will sitting on it (and thus being right in my line of sight) when I’m typing.

As a result, it can take some time for me to get work done. I don’t mind though, Fred is lovely and giving her a cuddle is much better than work any day of the week.